Have you ever had, in your leadership position, people who seemed to, not necessarily openly disobeying the rules, but rather staying in a gray area most of the time?
I know I had, and it made me analyze and reflect on what makes people follow the rules or, on the contrary, disobey them.
Every system we live in, whether it’s our family, our work team, the organization, our home city or country, has rules. Some of them are written and are enforced one way or another, but most are not clearly stated and people still obey them for different reasons.
Who determines the unwritten rules? And what makes people obey them?
From my observation in the systems I have lived and worked, unwritten rules, common laws or the way we behave and do things in a certain system are usually determined by the authority, the person who is perceived to have the most power in a group and also social pressure.
When we are talking about big groups as cities or countries, mass media and more recently social media play an important part and more specifically people with influence whether they are politicians, public figures or social media influencers. If we consume TV shows or social media or our teenage children do, we just need to look at the ideas promoted by the means they follow to know what they think is acceptable and praised in the groups they belong to. Of course, we are not mindless drones to follow everything we hear but no matter how autonomous we think we are, our way of thinking is shaped by the society and the era we grew up in.
Historically we have survived in tribes and being kicked out of the tribe meant a very difficult life and most probably death. We have an innate desire to comply to the authority as we know that we will not survive without those around us. And the desire to be part of a group continues throughout our life. We are social creatures and we thrive as part of groups both physically and psychologically. This is why peer pressure and authority pressure work when it comes to following rules in a group.
If you are a leader and you feel that your team is getting out of your hands and some team members do what they want regardless of the company or team’s best interest, take a closer look at who makes the rules in the group. Most probably you as a leader do not have the authority and no one else has. There is no peer pressure either and as a result there are no rules.
There are several ways you can solve the problem:
The first one would be for you to state the rules clearly and introduce punishments if they are not followed. Personally, I do not recommend this method as you need to play police and judge all the time and people will always try to find ways to bend the rules. It takes a lot of time and energy from your part and you do not use people’s innate desire to do things well. Plus, it is demotivating for the team and you have other, easier means to impose the rules.
The second is to state the rules either directly and explain why it is important to follow them or indirectly by praising what you consider good behavior and criticize what you consider unacceptable. Make sure you address the unacceptable behavior fast and privately in 1:1 sessions. Public criticism alienates people as they do not feel part of the group anymore and that is not what you want. But make sure you do not turn 1:1 sessions into criticism sessions, take time to observe what the person is doing well and mention it. The 1:1 sessions must be feedback sessions that reflect the reality and each person does both good and bad things. Bear in mind that we as human beings are inclined to see the faults (negativity bias) so put extra effort into noticing what each person in your team is doing well and tell them. Even if you know the person is aware of their skills and talents, mentioning them (repeatedly if necessary) helps build a good relationship and the person’s self-esteem. Noone excels when it comes to self-esteem and we all need a boost from time to time.
The third option is to use the group’s wisdom and their desire to do things right. From my point of view, this is the best option as the people take their own decisions and, in this way, you boost empowerment and responsibility. This usually works with mature and stable teams that have worked in the same environment for a longer period of time. If you have a stable core of team members in your team, they understand the objectives of the company and they have their best interest at heart for both the team members and the company you can rely on them to create the rules. The newer team members, especially if they are beginners, will follow them. Also, this is the way to go for upper management or board teams where you have mature and reliable team members and it is important to rely on their expertise and collaboration.
The last two options take more time to implement and for you and the team to see the results but they are more sustainable on the long run. I would say the third one is the mark of an excellent leader as what he builds with his team will exceed his presence in the team and in the company.
Bear in mind that rules without disobeying consequences are not efficient. But the consequences do not need to be material loss or punishments. Just you as a leader taking a side on what you consider good behavior or unacceptable behavior and stating it clearly and openly is enough for most people. You can rely on people’s innate desire to do well, be part of teams and organizations where they can build great things together.
As a disclaimer: I, by no means, advocate to use the influence you have on your team to pressure them to do unpaid extra hours or work until burnout. This is not sustainable and if you only have your own interest at heart, people will notice and you will lose them. People follow when they feel they also have something to gain (material benefits, more knowledge or just psychological safety), otherwise they will pursue their own interest.
Being in authority roles automatically means influencing people whether we are aware of it or not. And the best for us and for them is to become a model of inspiration. Not taking the lead, especially when we are in the leading chair, trying to be invisible and not taking responsibility for our role is actually a decision we are taking without knowing it (deciding not to take any decision is actually a decision to leave things the way they are). And we are promoting a model of leadership that we probably do not want others to follow.